How do they do it?

 My husband has been out for four days now, and I just want to snooze for a whole month. Hats off to single parent homes.  Moms and dads who depend on no one to help raise and educate their kids, and do a great job. I admire their strength. But it's much more than tired nights and achy hands.  Small nuances: Lonely nights with a sick kid, no time to fix the lightbulb in the hallway, no one to make you feel safe,  the quiet and empty space next to you in bed.  Really, how do they do it, day in and day out? Again, hats off!

First a hand, then the whole heart

As you can see I'm still going through the pile of pictures from our vacation in the DR. This set of images I took one day during lunch in my mom's apt. My grandmother had lunch with us almost everyday. It was our time together, and one of the most fulfilling hours of the day. After lunch, we'd have coffee and dessert, and Emilu would play on the floor until her nap time. Then we'd all take a little siesta (I never could). That was my time at the computer. When we first arrived, Emilu was shy and introverted toward my grandmother. She always is. I think her white hair  makes Emilu distinctively suspiscious. But, my grandmother never acted dissapointed by her reactions. She would tell me that children raised by their mothers, especially around this age, are more attached and more suspicious of strangers.  She would even tell me not to let her whimper when she'd see her.  My grandmother is acutely distressed by babies' cries, especially when they are avoidable.  So, everyday we would set out to modestly have her interact with my grandmother on her own terms.  And my grandmother, who's wise and patient, would entice Emilu with small gestures, little by little, day by day, until she finally gave her a giggle, then a hand, and finally, the day before last, her whole heart.

Kids Zone: Ceative playtime

Kids play with the darnest things. When I was a child we played elastic band, a game where two kids get inside a long (35") elastic tied at the corners and held by their ankles.  A third kid jumps inside the loop doing a variety of tricky jumping steps as the band gets higher and the game gets harder.  We'd play for hours on end, and sometimes when there was a shortage of kids we would use chairs to hold the elastic in place. We also played with marbles and the game of STOP, with paper and pencil we would go down the alphabet writing all the things we knew with that letter and adding points.

There's an undisturbed innocence when you watch children play with the most creative and organic things.  I always said my kids would play with toys and things that sparked their creativity and curiosity.  I'll do my best when Emilu starts playing seriously.

{Images via HipHip Hooray}

Emilu: 12 months of life

We came back home on Wednesday, and Thursday we had a Pediatrician appointment. She was given her shots, and they drew blood for the first time. Emilu kicked her legs and cried like never before, but thank goodness she was poked once only. She weighs 21 and half pounds and her height is 30 inches tall. Where did the months go?  I remember bringing her home from the hospital, the sleepless nights that followed and all the giggling and babbling she learned to do after.  Here's a month by month (12) picture strip of her first year of life. My baby is a now a toddler.

Am I mom enough?

Attachment parenting is not for everyone.  It wasn't for me.  When Emilu had trouble sleeping (constantly waking up during the night) I didn't allow her to cry, but I also didn't allow her to sleep the night in our bed, and co-sleeping is one of the tenets of attachment parenting.  Lately, however, I have grown more relaxed with allowing her to crash in our bed in the wee hours of the morning, from around 4 a.m. When I first saw the May 21st Time Magazine cover article on this very topic, I knew people would get hung up on the misconceptions, but I also understood why many  readers would think this "extreme parenting" style as excessive.

I'm half way in agreement with attachment parenting to the extent that I would never let my child cry out for any reason, much less for sleep training purposes.  I was rather surprised that our own Pediatrician would recommend this as early as 4 months, citing a myriad of reasons for it. I just ignored him. I also agree that organic and local foods (a priority in our household) should be baby's food. I breastfed my daughter until 10 months old, but I also stopped feeding her at night, because in my opinion a baby that's around 8 months old and is eating solids doesn't need food around the clock.  I established a schedule around this time that will go on to become a foundation of healthy eating habits for the rest of her life.  I babywore my daughter and sometimes still do around the house, but I also push a stroller everywhere and feel that this is the best way to be on the go.  And finally, cloth diapering was the best decision I've ever done.

When I read Time's Extended breastfeeding, I realized that I had unknowingly being following some of the propositions of attachment parenting, and that's when it hit me. Up until the other day, I had to use the bathroom or cook a meal with my daughter in arms, yet I don't consider myself an attachment parent.  This is what mothers do. All over the world. This obsessive need of categorizing and naming every little parenting method when raising our kids is becoming a corrosive ticking time bomb that will only, and ultimately hurt our society.

Is this about extreme parenting or more about our bruised egos?  A need for recognition and important titles for our maternal efforts in lieu of intellectual, social or professional rewards?  An attachment parent is most likely to be at home raising kids and so busy and attached to their offspring that it would be difficult for them to fill their intellectual and professional vessel -at least for a few years- which ultimately leads to a quest for valid psychological and social recognition for their way of parenting.   Surely when my mother raised us, extreme parenting wasn't even a word in their vocabulary.  Same when she was raised. There may not be a simple answer for this, but we may be becoming more and more obsessed with every detail, every milestone in our kids' lives.  My daughter is only one year old, and I'm becoming saturated with all the literature out there about the type of parent I should be at every stage.  I stopped reading when my daughter was born.  Partially because I didn't have the time,but also because I had a built-in instinct I was eager to use.  So what if your kid is overweight and you decide to put her on a diet? You are the parent, you should be able to do this! And what if you decide early on to home school or extend breast-feeding or allow TV (Emilu loves her CBeebies) or go non-organic. You are the parent!

I seem to recall how a few months ago, there was a buzz around the blogosphere about French style parenting. We were impressed by how French kids were well behaved and well-mannered, and how French mothers kept their womanhood and glamour intact.  Now that's what I would call the opposite of attachment parenting. Who has time for nail appointments and shopping? French women do. Are the French bad parents too?  Three months ago we were praising their techniques, now we strike them as inferior?

Are we not good enough parents, or worst yet, bad parents?  If there’s a problem in parenting today, perhaps it’s the pressure so many parents feel to be perfect (attachment parenting? French style?) and to find the right formula. But there is no perfect formula for parenting, only principles that can help guide the way. Ultimately there should be enough common sense to say that what's right for your family is the best parenting you can do.Can't we just relax and enjoy parenting, without feeling inferior or superior to other people or is it something that’s simply bound to be full of angst and pressure?

Eleven months

If you feel you days are slow and drab, try having a baby, I guarantee you this will change.  This high needs baby of mine is now 11 months old! and there's a sea of difference in her personality and temperament now, than when she was a small baby. This girl is impatient, stubborn and so curious already.  She could hear the subtlest sound at the end of the room, and off she goes like Inspector Gadget to investigate what it is.

There's also a hint of naughtiness in her budding personality I can't seem to shake off.  When she wants something, she wants it now.  She's also done a couple of solo standings, meaning she stands for a few seconds on her own, and then plops down.  Now that crawling is her signature way of getting around everywhere, I have to keep our floors cleaned all the time.  I usually do this everyday while she's having breakfast in her high chair.  Living in the grounds of a split level apt. building means all the dust and dirt from the streets easily sips in through the windows and doors.  I'm also teaching her the body parts and she already knows how to send a kiss, wave goodbye, call you with her hand, give you a hug and is now trying to whistle.  Sounds crazy right?  But my brother, at this age already knew how to whistle, except he made the sound inhaling air, instead of exhaling, and she's doing the same thing!

**A few things she does, which makes me a happy mama**

+  greets her dad when he walks in from work.
+ gives hugs to her dolls and toys
+ sometimes she hides toys from me
+ dances to tunes in TV, especially the Downton Abbey introduction music
+ mastered the "goodbye" wave, the "come" hand command.
+ points to her head when I say HEAD, and to her tummy when I say TUMMY (and that's about all, I'm teaching her the rest of the body parts)
+ points to everything
+ claps on command
+ puts her toys away when I start picking them up
+ calls everyone "dadada"
+ eats solids, which include potatoes, pasta, chicken, broccoli, rice, spinach, avocado and asparagus for lunch, and fruits and yogurt for afternoon snacks
+ dances to music on TV
+ religiously enjoys watching her CBeebies every morning during breakfast
+ chooses her own clothes by pointing which one she likes to wear
+ gives the most heart-warming hugs ever
+ wants a taste of what you are eating always, no exceptions
+ loves, loves, really loves grapes!

Sweet girl, you are my everything.  Thanks for making a proud mama out of me. Also her birthday is coming up soon.  I need to start planning that. How about your babies?  Did they do something funny or endearing which made you swell with pride?

Home redecorating

It's been a while since I've felt this excited about renovating our space. With a crawling infant (and soon to be toddler) my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we need to reinvent our living quarters to better accommodate our new family situation. I don't believe in clutter and hate to live in a messy home, so this has inspired us to reorganize, declutter and decorate, in a way that it's fun and kid friendly, as well as affordable.
The above items are in our list. We have already acquired the white storage unit, the lila cupboard, and the woven stool. The coffee print, the Ikat ottoman pouf and this awesome paper scalloped pendant light are next.Can't wait to share the final pictures. So stay tuned for more.

Keepin' organized

I've been busy organizing around the house. Starting with the closets, I've decluttered and organized every shelf.  It's part one of my redecorating agenda, since we desperately need some space around here. So far I have down, the hallway closet, the linen closet and the entryway bookshelf.  I also tackled the cupboard in the "dining room." 

How about you?  Are you doing any home improvement tasks lately?  The days are so cold, it's a good way of being productive anyway.

Crawling and more

Sometimes I just like to snap pictures of Emilu during her regular playtime. But once in a while, I catch her off guard in one of her self-reflective moods, like this one.  I guess she had just discovered the hardness of the wall and was bumping her head very cautiously against it. She totally disarms me!

As a happy baby mamma, I'm thrilled and (nervous) to announce her pre-crawling days are over, she's now officially crawling. Yay!

Cost of Raising a Child

According to the latest survey done by Gallup, here's what you're likely to spend raising a child: $369,810

Expense                    Start Age     End Age           Annual Cost

Housing                      0                  0                     4,590

Food                          0                  0                     2,083

Transportation            0                  0                     1,558

Clothing                     0                  0                      810

Healthcare                 0                  0                      986

Childcare/Education   0                  0                       4,141

Miscellaneous              0                  0                      1,073

College                     18                 22                     26,273

Cost for first year (excluding college) is $14,151

Total cost is $369,810

Housing: Includes the extra amount you'll spend annually on shelter (mortgage interest, property taxes, or rent; maintenance and repairs; insurance), utilities (gas, electricity, fuel, telephone, and water), and home furnishings and equipment (furniture, floor coverings, major appliances, and small appliances) if you have a child. Mortgage principal payments are considered savings and are not included.

Food: Includes the extra amount you'll spend annually on food and nonalcoholic beverages purchased at grocery, convenience, and specialty stores; dining at restaurants; and school meals if you have a child.

Transportation: Includes the extra amount you'll spend annually to buy new and used vehicles, vehicle finance charges, gasoline and motor oil, maintenance and repairs, insurance, and public transportation if you have a child.

Clothing: Includes the average amount you'll spend annually on your child's apparel such as diapers, shirts, pants, dresses, and suits; footwear; and clothing services such as dry cleaning, alterations and repair, and storage.

Healthcare: Includes the average amount you'll spend annually on your child's medical and dental expenses not covered by insurance, prescription drugs and medical supplies not covered by insurance, and health insurance premiums not paid by your employer or other organizations.

Childcare and education: Includes the average amount you'll spend annually on your child's day care tuition and supplies; babysitting; and elementary and high school tuition, books, and supplies. (You may want to adjust this figure if you know your childcare needs and whether your child will attend public or private school.)

Miscellaneous: Includes the average amount you'll spend annually on your child's personal care items, entertainment, and reading materials.

Higher education: Includes the average amount you'll spend annually on your child's tuition, fees, room and board, books, travel, and incidental expenses at a public or private four-year college, depending on which you choose.

Based on 2009 consumer prices.

More on this.  Read The 369,000 Baby  (courtesy of Babble)