Am I mom enough?

Attachment parenting is not for everyone.  It wasn't for me.  When Emilu had trouble sleeping (constantly waking up during the night) I didn't allow her to cry, but I also didn't allow her to sleep the night in our bed, and co-sleeping is one of the tenets of attachment parenting.  Lately, however, I have grown more relaxed with allowing her to crash in our bed in the wee hours of the morning, from around 4 a.m. When I first saw the May 21st Time Magazine cover article on this very topic, I knew people would get hung up on the misconceptions, but I also understood why many  readers would think this "extreme parenting" style as excessive.

I'm half way in agreement with attachment parenting to the extent that I would never let my child cry out for any reason, much less for sleep training purposes.  I was rather surprised that our own Pediatrician would recommend this as early as 4 months, citing a myriad of reasons for it. I just ignored him. I also agree that organic and local foods (a priority in our household) should be baby's food. I breastfed my daughter until 10 months old, but I also stopped feeding her at night, because in my opinion a baby that's around 8 months old and is eating solids doesn't need food around the clock.  I established a schedule around this time that will go on to become a foundation of healthy eating habits for the rest of her life.  I babywore my daughter and sometimes still do around the house, but I also push a stroller everywhere and feel that this is the best way to be on the go.  And finally, cloth diapering was the best decision I've ever done.

When I read Time's Extended breastfeeding, I realized that I had unknowingly being following some of the propositions of attachment parenting, and that's when it hit me. Up until the other day, I had to use the bathroom or cook a meal with my daughter in arms, yet I don't consider myself an attachment parent.  This is what mothers do. All over the world. This obsessive need of categorizing and naming every little parenting method when raising our kids is becoming a corrosive ticking time bomb that will only, and ultimately hurt our society.

Is this about extreme parenting or more about our bruised egos?  A need for recognition and important titles for our maternal efforts in lieu of intellectual, social or professional rewards?  An attachment parent is most likely to be at home raising kids and so busy and attached to their offspring that it would be difficult for them to fill their intellectual and professional vessel -at least for a few years- which ultimately leads to a quest for valid psychological and social recognition for their way of parenting.   Surely when my mother raised us, extreme parenting wasn't even a word in their vocabulary.  Same when she was raised. There may not be a simple answer for this, but we may be becoming more and more obsessed with every detail, every milestone in our kids' lives.  My daughter is only one year old, and I'm becoming saturated with all the literature out there about the type of parent I should be at every stage.  I stopped reading when my daughter was born.  Partially because I didn't have the time,but also because I had a built-in instinct I was eager to use.  So what if your kid is overweight and you decide to put her on a diet? You are the parent, you should be able to do this! And what if you decide early on to home school or extend breast-feeding or allow TV (Emilu loves her CBeebies) or go non-organic. You are the parent!

I seem to recall how a few months ago, there was a buzz around the blogosphere about French style parenting. We were impressed by how French kids were well behaved and well-mannered, and how French mothers kept their womanhood and glamour intact.  Now that's what I would call the opposite of attachment parenting. Who has time for nail appointments and shopping? French women do. Are the French bad parents too?  Three months ago we were praising their techniques, now we strike them as inferior?

Are we not good enough parents, or worst yet, bad parents?  If there’s a problem in parenting today, perhaps it’s the pressure so many parents feel to be perfect (attachment parenting? French style?) and to find the right formula. But there is no perfect formula for parenting, only principles that can help guide the way. Ultimately there should be enough common sense to say that what's right for your family is the best parenting you can do.Can't we just relax and enjoy parenting, without feeling inferior or superior to other people or is it something that’s simply bound to be full of angst and pressure?

From baby food to toddler meals

We have transitioned.  Left behind the baby food and embraced real meals for my growing, soon-to-be one year old. This stage of eating is involved and requires creativity. Watching for nutrient rich foods and at the same time, tasty enough that she'll want to eat them. Gone are the days of breast-milk, formula, and liquid foods.  She now wants to hold the spoon, eat with her hands, and chew down her food.

Recently she stopped desiring the cereal-formula mix I gave her for breakfast everyday. She slapped that dish down and splashed everything around her. She did the same with her fruity, spoon-fed, liquidy afternoon snack (smashed fruits watered down). No more, mom. I want food that I can chew, and touch! So I listened.

We have finally reached the stage where we all sit down for dinner/lunch and eat the same meals.  Hallelujah!

Breatsfeeding vs. Formula feeding, the never ending discussion

I'm still breastfeeding Emilu.  However, I don't do it exclusively. I give formula at a 50/50 rate.  There are many reasons for this, but the most enduring one was the inability to keep up with the proscribed lifestyle.  Breastfeeding demands a lot. It comes down to a choice because the cons of breastfeeding are there, whichever way they like to remain unseen.  These include sore and painful nipples for several weeks, engorgement effects, leakage, dietary limitations, and constrained mobility or freedom to enjoy the tasks you used to do, and the one thing no one challenges, the myth of shedding faster the baby weight.

Ha! Finally a study says it :  Breastfeeding moms lost weight slower than moms who chose formula from the start. Why?  Because breastfeeding moms had less opportunity to exercise AND because lactating moms consume more calories because the hormone prolactin stimulates appetite and thus prompts milk production.

I finally have an answer as to why I haven't been able to lose the last ten pounds.  But you know what bothers me and also scares me to death.  That they tell women that breastfeeding makes them lose weight faster and they have been able to get away with this. Doctors. My own brother told me so.  It makes me mad because it assumes that women are stupid and vane and in order to make them choose breastfeeding over formula feeding they have to appeal to what seems to be their superficial, trivial side, our Achilles heel, when it's really not. It is in our sociological  makeup to want to be trim.

 

There is no argument that breastmilk is better than formula as long as you keep getting nutritious food and continue to keep a healthy lifestyle, the one you had when you were pregnant.  But today's formulas are just as good in the nutrition department.  Where breastmilk takes the lead is in preventive care, because it contains hormones, anti-bodies and enzymes.

So let's put it to rest: Women should not be shamed into breastfeeding their children. It's just not for everyone. 

On Breastfeeding

They say breastfeeding is one of the most rewarding experiences of motherhood.  They also say newborns can breastfeed all day long if you let them.  There is some truth to that.  When Emilu was born, as soon as she was cleaned and brought to me I put her on my breast and she immediately latched on.  Isn't a wonder how she and many other babies can do that without ever practicing at all!

There she was sucking in all the colostrum that she could get into her stomach.  I was in heaven.  The two days at the hospital were spent like this.  Breastfeeding and sleeping.  Yes, she actually slept!  By the time I left the hospital, my milk hadn't arrived, but I was still feeding her colostrum or very little milk and my nipples had gone through hell.  They hurt, they cracked open and they were swollen. Was it supposed to be this way?  I was so disheartened and scared.

I dreaded the days ahead.  Not the lack of sleep, not the fear of caring for a newborn, not even the drop in hormones was mood-altering.  And speaking of hormones,  the breastfeeding hormones Prolactin and Oxytocin,  held me together through thick and thin, through the hellish nights of nipple pain and wails of hunger from my baby girl. Finally, day four arrived and the milk was finally letting down.  The next two weeks were the most trying of my life.  I struggled with her increasing feeding needs, loss of sleep and constant pain.  I was applying lanolin after every feed and couldn't even graze my chest with plain clothes.  And when I thought I was in the verge of a breakthrough, Emilu hit a growth spurt at 3 weeks she demanded more time and more frequency at the breast.  My healing nipples were again sore and that's when I finally had it and introduced a couple of bottles of formula a day.  It was the best decision of my short motherhood life. Only then was she able to rest longer and sleep more often.  She was finally full!

Of course, I was a bit disappointed that I was not able to feed her exclusively from the breast.  She now drinks 1-3 bottles of formula a day. We all know the emphasis this culture has on breastfeeding, even though half of all moms give it up by month 3.  Then I realized that it wasn't so bad.  My lifestyle and my own perspective has made me realize that a combination of breast and formula (6:2 or 5:3) is much better than no breast at all.  Because of this decision I feel more confident as a mother.  After all, I soon go back to work and the transition will be much better for both of us. 

This choice has also made me enjoy more and even look forward to breastfeeding her.  I love watching her gestures while she's at the breast.  I caress her head and her arms, massage her little toes and feet and emboss myself with an aura of intimacy.  I also love how I feel when I breastfeed her. The hormones are still pretty active in my system, allowing me to reap the physical and emotional benefits of love beyond words.

Artists on Breastfeeding

These images are amazing and at the same time, revealing and organic in composition and meaning.  The masters that captured them were individuals of great humanistic sensitivity.

Maternity (Women on the Seashore), 1899

Paul Gauguin (French, 1848-1903)

Maternité, Henri Matisse

charcoal on paper

Drawn in January, 1939

Madonna of the Fields, Gari Melchers, c. 1895, gouache on canvas

Saltimbanqui con una diadema y dando el pecho a su hijo,

Pablo Picasso, 1905.

Motherhood (also known as Woman Breast Feeding Her Child), 1886

August Renoir

Gino Severini, Motherhood, 1916

Ghyakurakan segaki by Utagawa Toyokuni, (1786-1865).

Hortense Breast Feeding Paul by Paul Cézanne (1872)

 Images via Marvelous Kiddo

Care for a Smoothie?

As I have stated before, one of the many cravings I enjoy and indulge on is plenty of fruits.  I eat apples, pineapples, mangoes, plums, strawberries, kiwis, you name it, and I have eaten it.  So lately I have been craving smoothies. But they can be expensive at $5 for a small one.  When you calculate one everyday that's basically almost $40 a week.  So I have been making my own.  You can throw in anything you have when it comes to fruits, but I like the berry smoothie, so I make it with strawberries, pineapple, bananas and a dash of grapefruit juice.  The result is a decadent citrus-berry explosion.

Follow the steps below:

If you don't have grapefruit juice, another good alternative is guava juice.  Guava is a wonderful tropical fruit. And you know who loves my smoothies more than me?  My kicking baby.  She gets a jolt out of so much flavor. 

Tonight and almost every night I go to bed with a full glass.  And this will come in handy once I start to breastfeed.  Mothers need so much nutrients, especially in liquid form.  And the baby will get good antioxidants and awesome sweetness in a full serving.

Salut and sweet dreams!