Anything but bedtime

Have you struggled with bedtime before? Emilu's bedtime is late. It always has been. Being a high needs baby AND a poor sleeper almost immediately left us no options, but to basically follow her lead on this one. Our own pediatrician suggested it. Not all children are 7 o'clock bedtime sleepers. It's OK to push bedtime for when she's tired. The only problem is our nights are not are own. The good side of this: Since she's taking one long afternoon nap (usually 2 hours or more) we can cajole her to go back to sleep around 6ish when most 7 o'clock bedtime sleepers are waking up for the day. She takes her bottle at that time and we usually snooze until 8ish.

A birthday is soon approaching

 I still cannot believe our daughter is turning one next week. She was born on May 8th of last year. Her arrival was nothing short of exciting and miraculous. After three days of labor, a birth becomes extraordinary. In this short amount of time she has become a headstrong little lady with a luminous personality and a physical presence. At the playground, she's the one wanting to be close to other kids to touch them, chat them up (more like babble) and just to "experience" them. This, I find fascinating, because being a Taurus is about experiencing things with your whole body. It's the most sensuous sign of the zodiac, the one with the need to use its five senses simultaneously or you run the risk of getting scratched off easily.

My little lady here has been slowly graduating from being a high needs baby to becoming an independent, observant and intense toddler. Where does she get this temperament?  I can't wait to find out more.  In the meantime, I'm starting a letter for her about our lives together this past year, and all the hidden lessons I've come to learn by being a mother to her.  I hope she's proud of it, and one day can read it to her own children.


PS: If it was up to her, she'd be content being on top of me the whole day. I included this picture of her in the baby wrap to show you how attached she still is to her mami, even though she's excited about learning to walk, choosing more often than before to do this on her own (proud momma grin!)

On my nightstand

I'm so happy to say I have taken up reading again. As a stay-at-home mom of a high needs baby, I had pushed my writing and reading aside to care for her.  Since day one there has been no time for engaging hobbies or cerebral activities like reading.  And then I realize I was craving something intellectual, and I had to make the time, otherwise I'd never read again.

Motherly instinct

My daughter just turned nine months last week. I couldn't feel happier. I have watched her go through all the milestones so far and I'm humbled that this little person can love me so much. Is it crazy to say I feel this love? When she hugs me. When she plays with the strands of hair that fall across my face. When we are seated together on the sofa playing and she puts both her arms around my arm, telling me I just felt like doing this, and then continues playing. And did I say? She's finally sleeping through the night, with a few tosses and turns, and without picking her up. I feel so happy and satisfied that I never allowed her to cry it out. Most parents have the need to do this early on, and their children eventually learn to sleep through the night when they are still newborns. I never had the heart, and the intellectual chip to actually do this. And now that she finally learned how to, I'm so happy I can sing!  I just followed my instinct and it paid off.  

Tantrums: A Dialogue

My daughter is only 6 months old and she's already having tantrums. Many of them. For no reason. When I sit her in the play pen. When I put her in the stroller. When I lean her back a little for her bottle feeding. You know that moment, when you are dressing them and you are putting their arms through the sleeve, that moment she hates. She throws a fit. Is there any reason to feel this could be a game changer? Can I be raising an impertinent child who has tantrums just to test me? Maybe I'm putting too much into this. But, I can't help but wonder...

Here she is right at the beginning of a tantrum wave.  I just happened to be using the phone.  If you've been reading this blog, you know by now that Emilu has been a high needs baby since her newborn days.  Maybe it's time for me to surrender, and stop over-analyzing her moods. I shall have to embrace that my daughter is special.  In her own little world, I'm special too.  It's the reason why she's so honest and open about her feelings. She wants me to accept that. 

And I'm slowly learning .  I'm discovering her intensity, her resolute ways.  And one day she'll discover mine.. We are beginning to understand each other, hear each other out.  This is the beginning of a lifelong dialogue. This is ground zero for us both.

Sleep no more

Remember that post I wrote about Emilu having a good night sleep the night she had rice cereal for the first time?  First-timer's charm I'd call it.  She's back to being a high needs baby, waking up an average of 2 times during the night.  This time, we will blame the teething. She's sometimes uncomfortable during the day.  As long as she's sleeping 12-14 hours a day I'm a happy mom, and she makes it up during the day.

Here she is wearing Mommy's favorite PJs:  the cow outfit.

"Oh my.. my rump has grown!"

I guess I could go crazy or lose my head over this, but I won't.  I don't read the literature out there or make it a point to "train" her to sleep or stay asleep.  I have decided to ride this as any other event we will face together.  Some people will gasp at this, but let them pass their judgements.  When she is ready, she will do it on her own accord.  

Sleeping Problems

On our trip to Miami back in July, Emilu started miraculously sleeping through the night. And continued to do so at home. When we were in NYC visiting my brother a few weeks back, she was still sleeping through the night.  But a few weeks ago,  for some unknown reason, she stopped. She's almost 4 months now.   She used to go down around 11 p.m. and pass out 'till around 5 a.m.  However, good things come to an end, and so they did. 

When she hit 3 months, she started waking up in the middle of the night, wailing.  We thought it was a growth spurt and hoped she would snap out of it.  Here we are and she hasn't. I'd nurse her back to sleep, we'd change her diapers, we'd rock her and shush until she went back to sleep.  Last night she woke up 3 times!   You inevitably ask yourself, what could we be doing wrong?  As soon as she starts stirring, I go to her and start shushing and patting her bum, and when  it's not hunger, this seems to work half the time. The other half, she just wants to be held.  This has continued for 3 weeks now.  It's like going back to the first weeks after birth.  I'm exhausted again.  And now everyone is saying that when she starts getting cereal, night sleeping will be much longer.  Is this true?  Could it be hunger and only that?  Or is my baby a high needs baby at night? What was your experience at this age? Personally I'm torn in between the sleep trainers or crying-out methods, which advocate letting your baby cry until she falls back asleep and the nurturers or attachment parenting.  Most mothers fall in between.

All I know is that this business of motherhood is completely subjective.  What may work for some mothers and babies, may not work for others.  As much as babies are babies, they are still individuals who experience stimuli in different ways. You know you are in good hands when you've tried different systems and found the one that works best for you.