June 12, 2012

Here and now

{Photo by me}

Sometimes I have no time to do the things I love.  If I'm not tired, which is never, I'm backed up with housework, which is not the same as being up to my neck with mindwork (usually a good article I have put aside, or the email message from a lost friend,whose reply beckons 30 minutes of my life.) Most times, however, I'm simply struggling to complete a thousand things, which I've began simultaneously in a effort to multitask.

I tell myself if I had the time, this would be an award winning blog.  I would redesign, and go on a one woman-one blog, journalist exploration of themes I'd like to write about, and share.  My pictures would be edited and published in a flash.  My posts would not linger in the draft section for months. And my stories would capture the stumbles and tribulations of womanhood in modern times. Writing used to be second nature. Although never easy, it used to put me at ease.  Like a cold smoothie in a hot day; writing was my treat.  Now, it seems something I must conquer everyday.  Insurmountable and intimidating.  I started this blog when I was pregnant, thinking my creative juices would be flooded with hormones too.  But, it was the opposite effect.  A downward spiral of pregnancy symptoms, followed by a lack of sleep, then REAL lack of sleep when baby was born, and finally, exhaustion in so many levels.

I read many blogs, and every time I find a post that reminds me of something I want to write about or clicks a light on in my head, I immediately find an excuse to avoid writing. Why?  Fear. Insecurity. Tiredness.  Lack of drive.

I don't like this person, I don't even know her.  I want to start writing.  Something.  Anything.  Consequently, and things are always consequent, I decided to start writing. Period. And posting more about the things I want to write about. Period. The changes will be subtle, but permanent.  I will make time for my writing.  And this blog will log those hours.  Making an effort to live in the here and now,  instead of the If I or when I, will be an exercise in perseverance and submission.


  1. I am right there with you.. at first i used to blog everyday for the sake of blogging but had no substance..and then there was period of absence.. life becomes overwhelming and the list of things to do never ends.. especially if blogging isn't your only job. I finally got the substance I wanted.. or as much as I can manage but then I was posting once a week.. it is so difficult to find the balance and I keep think when I have more time I will.. or when D goes of to school.. i will but we all know that will never happen and we will always and forever be strapped for time and on the quest for balance.

    1. Hi Hena: it is difficult to find balance and time seems to always be short. Im looking for change. I dont have time for many things and that may never change but what i have to do is squeeze in something that makes me happy. I also favor a slower more sustance content postings. I just need to figure what that content should be.

  2. It's truly hard to find the time and the ENERGY to do the things you want to do. And for me it's even hard to know what I really want to do... I mean, thinking about doing and doing is two diffrent things. It might be fun to think about doing X but not fun to really do it. (On the other hand Y kan be fun to do, even though you didn't think so...)

    When it comes to blogging my problem is that I spend so much time by the computer at work, and it's not good for me to sit in front of the computer at home a lot too. Another thing is that I don't want to encourage shopping for the sake of shopping. I would rather encourage to make do with what you have, thrifting and buying some little things from indie businesses. What I really would like is to interview artists and indie business people, but that is not easy when you work full time and are trying to recover from several periods of depression. And now I'm writing my blog in English, but I'm not a good writer unless I use Swedish.

    BUT I think you are right. We just have to DO some of the things we want to do. Not worry about it beforehand, just do it.

    Love Maria

    1. Hi maria: i want to reply to you soon. Now im in bed but tomorrow i will.